Sunday, April 26, 2009

Open letter to Seth McFarlane

Because boring sunday evenings are perfect for throwing tantrums!

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Dear Seth,

You are a colossal asshole and you suck!
You and the rest of the talent less idiots who pass for Family Guy writers are the world’s most formidable morons!

Enough with the shit-pile that Family Guy has turned out to be!! I used to be a big fan of the show but now I’d rather stare at my shit stew in the toilet for 30 mins than sit through an entire episode of the abomination that has become Family Guy. You guys are not even trying anymore and it is unbelievable that the show is still airing.

You started of ok dude (albeit shamelessly). When you ran up to your friends to say, “guys…I have an idea for a show. It consists of a crazy family with a stupid dad and a level-headed mom and kids who…” why didn’t any of them stop you with “That sounds a whole lot like The Simpsons you unoriginal bum”? However I gave you a pass. Thanks to Led Zeppelin, plagiarizing something to make it better is a little okay in my book. Not that Family Guy was head and shoulders above the Simpsons but whatever. It was a comedy show and it got me laughing so I was not going to hate it on principle.
Your fascination with decades old American pop culture at first intrigued me, then amused me and very soon started irritating me to no end. If you are a comedy show, you have to say something funny. Simply breaking into your obscure childhood reference does not work. If you miss your childhood so much, get some friends who grew up with you, go to a bar and reminiscence. Don’t force everyone else to join your boring party!
The vague annoyance and animosity I was feeling for your show was perfectly captured by Southpark’s ‘Cartoon Wars’. Seth Mac Farlane, that is how an intelligent adult cartoon looks like and should look like. Southpark has managed to address every legitimate and crippling criticism of your show and yet you do not have the intellectual honesty to make any changes.
Your “this is just like the time...” jokes are the worst offenders. I am not even addressing the ‘they are unrelated to the plot’ criticism that SP has levied against you. Once again, your show is a comedy show and I do not care how you spin a story as long as you make it funny. But those jokes are not even funny and they drag on for way too long. And this bears repeating, they are NOT FUNNY. When you show a clip of Peter running home to fall down mid-route and hurt him self and go “aah” for a full 1 minute, I feel like stabbing you. When you repeat the same fucking thing with Lois instead of Peter in another episode, I feel like stabbing myself.

I could have simply stopped watching the show instead of throwing this tantrum. But somehow with Family Guy you have managed the biggest bait and switch in the history of TV shows. Every week I am inexplicably motivated to watch a new episode in the hopes that I will actually break into a smile (I gave up on laughing a year ago) and every week I am disappointed. Yet I keep going back for ‘old-times sake’. This has been happening for over a year now and only today did I fully appreciate how much of my life I have wasted in this comedic anticipation! I deserve a kick to the head!

Your other show ‘American Dad’ is just ok. How did you even successfully pitch it? God knows why your creativity cannot take off without the impetus being “let’s start with a crazy family”, but judging by the way Family Guy has turned out, I’m betting American Dad will start stinking very soon.

Here’s a very serious suggestion Seth. Stop Family Guy completely and salvage some respect. Redirect all your efforts to American Dad and hire better writers. That way, maybe in a few seasons it can come close to being a reasonably funny show. It is tough but at least you would have done the right thing!

In conclusion I will say this.
Carlos Mencia : Comedians :: Family Guy : Cartoon shows
If this doesn’t knock any sense into your head, I do not know what will!

Sincerely,
A well-meaning hater.

PS: Your Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy also sucks. Blue Harvest was good though.

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It is amusing that searching for 'clouds showing the finger' on google images has such a straightforward result!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Sametaro,
I have 20 million in the bank and Family guy is the best selling home DVD of all time. I make money from people like you who watch my show despite all their whining.
The joke is on you my friend.
Oh yeah, this reminds me of the time when I posted a reply to a blog entry on Paris Hilton's blog while riding a unicycle towed by a daschund.

Seth McFarlane

Anonymous said...

Sametaro-hombre,
Ay fuck you homes

Carlos Mencia

Golu said...

well even at the end of Blue Harvest, he lets out his insecurity as to how he is not the first person to do such a parody and how robot chicken beat family guy to it.

Roman said...

Cheap Renta...I know the joke is on me. I am trying to save others! :)

Golu...yeah...and I think Robot Chicken is better. Only 20mins long but funnier.

Anonymous said...

You know things like this make me want to punch you in the face. Why bother posting a letter to put someone down if all you saying is "Hey society, i have no life and im insercury about myself. I put other people down to make myself feel better!' Im sorry but come on people Family Guy IS a good show and only an idiot would deny it! And the Cavalcade was funny as!! Some people have issues! No offence. lots of love from the one who knows all about everything :)

Roman said...

Oh my God. The cutting insight into my psyche is unnerving Anon. You understand me and my actions better than anyone else.
Please don't comment anymore...I think I will break down!

Anonymous said...

OH i commented again. TAKE THAT !!!! you just cant handle im right. because anyone who puts down someone else is insecury about themselves. and you posting that comment just proved me right. enjoy you life as a bitter and ugly person because that all you are.