Another video

Radiohead- You

Radiohead and PhD

In July of 2010 I quit my job, got my friends Sidney and Zubin to fly to Hampton, VA, put all my stuff in some boxes and my car and drove around 1750 miles to Boulder, CO to start my PhD. In the process, we listened to a lot of music and amongst other things discussed Radiohead's virtuoso in considerable detail. Where I am right now and the next two videos are a consequence of that 1 week of activities.

Me playing 'My Iron Lung'


Sidney and I playing 'You and whose army'

Havana Affair

This is a song called 'Havana Affair' by the punk rock band Ramones. Like most punk rock songs, it was originally composed at a very fast pace and if I may say, without much melody. John Frusciante liked the Ramones a lot and as a habit used to slow down their songs (and other punk rock songs) and sing them with more melody. The result of one such interpretation is the Chili's version of Havana Affair which is what I tried to cover here. I did not realize the magnitude of disconnect between how decent I thought my vocals were and how bad I found that they actually are! Bummer!

What good is half an eye?

Here is a random thought. A very popular creationist argument against the theory of evolution is in the form of the question, “what good is half an eye”? The idea behind this question aims to strike a blow at the process of incremental improvements that come about by random mutations during the process of evolution. The question (no doubt rhetorically posed) assumes the eye is useful only in its current functioning state and that a lesser form cannot be of any use. As is the case with any creationist argument, the thread of logic comes to a dead end here and the next statement is “therefore, there must have been an intelligent creator”. Richard Dawkins (in ‘The God Delusion’) argues that this question really has a good answer. Half an eye is definitely useful and is much better than no eye at all. Considering the most primitive eye with just a few receptor cells, an early life form could have detected the faint traces of the presence of a predator giving it a serious advantage over other life forms without such cells.

I think a simpler and more hands on way of answering this question is to pose it in the form of “Are current human ears useful?” The answer is an absolute yes. Yet, the human ear is certainly not the most advanced hearing organ. As everyone knows, bats have an amazingly complex hearing mechanism and dogs can hear a lot better than us. To put it pithily, when you hear a bear growl in the distance you avoid going in its direction helping you survive. You might not be able to judge accurately how far away it is from you or know whether or not it is running towards you based on Doppler shifting, but what you can figure out is good enough to avoid it. Compared to the more advanced ‘ears’ of the bats and dogs, one could easily consider the human ear as being just ‘half an ear’. Yet, it is a perfectly useful organ and lends itself heavily to our survival.

Walking further down this path of logic, it is easy to see that except the brain, almost every other organ in human beings is just ‘half an organ’. We are neither the fastest swimmers, nor the fastest runners, nor the strongest and we do not have the best sense of smell, sight or sound. Yet with all these ‘half organs’ we managed to survive and get on top of the food chain. The idea that what we currently have is the pinnacle of perfection that only an intelligent designer would have created and that anything less cannot be of any use is absurd to say the least.

I will now go back to finishing ‘Battlestar Galactica’.

BattleStar Galactica / Ten Years Gone

I have not had the motivation to post anything offlate thanks to being in the midst of a season1 to season4 (that's all the seasons) marathon viewing of BattleStar Galactica. It is an extremely intriguing and fascinating series and once I am done with all 4 seasons I plan to expound on the amazing mix of science fiction and philosophy that it deals with. This is my favourite kind of art, be it books, TV shows, movies. Anything that mixes science fiction and philosophy immediately attracts my attention and makes me have to adjust my pants!!

But for the time being, please enjoy me covering another Led Zeppelin masterpiece called 'Ten Years Gone'. I could not find a backing track so I took the guitarpro tabs for this song and muted out everything except the vocals, drums and bass. Everytime I find a Led Zepp gem I have to fight the urge to browbeat everyone I know into listening to it. 'Ten Years Gone' is no exception. Your life will be richer once you listen to this song! 

Remember:

Dewy eyes now sparkle, senses grown keen

Taste your love along the way, see your feathers preen

Here's a nice trivia about the song:

"Ten Years Gone" is a song by English rock band Led Zeppelin from their 1975 album Physical Graffiti. Originally intended to be an instrumental piece, Jimmy Page used some 14 guitar tracks to overdub the harmony section. Robert Plant later added lyrics, which are dedicated to an old girlfriend who, ten years earlier, had made him choose either her or his music. Plant explained in an interview in 1975:

Let me tell you a little story behind the song '"Ten Years Gone" on our new album. I was working my ass off before joining Zeppelin. A lady I really dearly loved said, "Right. It's me or your fans." Not that I had fans, but I said, "I can't stop, I've got to keep going." She's quite content these days, I imagine. She's got a washing machine that works by itself and a little sports- car. We wouldn't have anything to say anymore. I could probably relate to her, but she couldn't relate to me. I'd be smiling too much. Ten years gone, I'm afraid. Anyway, there's a gamble for you.

Introducing in this video:

My new Fender Stratocaster

My new BOSS Metal Zone MT-2 distortion pedal (unseen)

Area man satisfied with half marathon time

Hampton Roads, VA: Area man Rohit Sammeta said that he was quite satisfied with his half marathon time of 2 hours 8 minutes and 55 seconds during the Virginia Beach Half Marathon two weekends ago. Rohit said that he had given up on training atleast two months before the race owing to external responsibilities and a lack of motivation. Therefore, he was pleasantly surprised that he managed to stay within the 10min/mile barrier at the end of the race. This was Rohit's third half-M and his second best time coming in after 2:06:58 (Nov 2009) and before 2:17:xx (Feb 2004). Although a below average time for his age group, he says that he appreciates its mediocrity and will strive to break the 2 hour barrier with his newly acquired respect for pacing. "I don't think I would have survived this race if I had not paced myself. Normally with a course as flat as this one I would have gone all guns blazing for the first 6 or so miles and crash and burn in the second half. Fortunately I paced myself and although my lack of training caught up with me in the second half I managed to survive. Who knows! Maybe I will break the 4 hour marathon barrier someday. Maybe I will do an Ironman too someday". Rohit has a habit of dreaming big. We should let him.

Sam Etaro

Massive Onion Rip-Off Artist (But Not As Funny)

Overheard Conversation

At my gym yesterday I came within ear-shot of the following conversation.

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Guy1: "...yeah man. That is how swine flu started. Someone had sex with a pig and contracted the disease. It is the same for all animal flus. Bird Flu, horse flu. People have sex with animals and spread the disease."

Guy2: "Yeah!"

Guy1: "It is just like AIDS. Someone had sex with a monkey and the AIDS virus got transfered from the monkey to him."
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!!!!

1 book, 1 movie, 1 solo and 1 masala dosa

Here are four most awesome, amazing, spectacular and wonderful things. Sorry Jobs, none of them is an iPad.

1) Book: The Man-Eaters of Kumaon by Jim Corbett

I remember reading a story from this book as a kid many years ago and one of the feelings that stuck with me since then was awe at the pure courage of Jim Corbett. He was a hunter in British India who later turned into a photographer and a conservationist. He is renowned for shooting man-eating tigers and leopards that harassed the village-folk in Kumaon (in Uttarakhand) then and this book is a collection of ten such stories. Having recalled the story and the book recently (after watching ‘The Ghost and the Darkness), I decided I had to get my hands on it.

Open Amazon, search and find, order and checkout, wait impatiently for 2 days!

I cannot recommend this book enough. Corbett’s narrative as he describes how he tracked and killed the man-eaters is gripping and wildly entertaining. The little details he provides about observing the surrounding jungle in order to track the beasts are fascinating and one can easily see that he was a master at his trade. Once again I was awe-struck by his courage. Even with a little imagination it is easy to sense the amount of danger he frequently put himself in and quite frankly I would have had some trouble sleeping at night if I wasn’t surrounded by a concrete jungle for miles in every direction. 

Pick this book up and experience the thrills!

2) Movie: The Man from Earth

This movie is the mother of all conversational movies. The entire 90 minutes of the movie is simply a conversation between a man who claims he is a Neanderthal whose body has managed to avoid death altogether, thus surviving until now and his academic colleagues who are skeptical of his claim and question him to determine its veracity. There really isn’t anything else about the movie that can be described succinctly to function as a hook. One has to enjoy the dialogues in their proper context and I for one found them extremely captivating. Do yourself a favor by watching this.

Incidentally, this was written by a writer for the original Star Trek.

3) Solo: Hotel California

Only one of the best solos ever written. Notes drenched in emotion!

4) Masala Dosa

What? You need convincing that masala dosas are awesome? Hasn't Quickgun Muruggan taught you anything?

On Religion

Religion. One would be hard-pressed to find a more divisive topic of discussion. Everyone is convinced of the veracity of his or her opinion and considers those who disagree to be part of the unenlightened. Discussing the nuances of one’s thoughts can be very illuminating but only when there is agreement in broad sweeps. I have rarely found that simple conversations have changed anyone’s major opinions (as they shouldn’t in general). Opinions about religion are formed over a very long period of time and are heavily influenced by not only the obvious factor of childhood environment but also how much critical thought one gives to it as an adult. As a result opinions are continuously evolving, again as they should.

I have been critically thinking about religion for the better part of the last 10 years and I intend this post to be purely a snapshot of my thoughts and where I stand right now on the topic. I do want to stress that everything I write below is not a simple regurgitation. Granted there is probably very little original material anyway. However, the seed of each and every one of my opinions is my own and other’s writings and discussions have only helped me fine tune my thought process.

I was a strong believer.

Growing up in a home in Andhra Pradesh (South India) that practiced Hinduism I had my fair share of visiting temples, going to Tirupathi etc. Religion and faith certainly had its place in my family but it was never something that took top priority. I never gave it much thought until I had to prepare for the IIT-Joint Entrance Examination at Ramaiyya. This was a 2 year endeavor (1998-2000) that required me to put in an immense amount of hard work. I will freely admit that I could not have pulled it off without faith. At the age of 17, the idea that if I worked hard enough an omnipotent God would ensure me success was extremely comforting and kept me going through those grueling two years. It was during this time that I believe I had (what I later learnt was commonly called) a religious experience. I remember walking into a temple one day and being overwhelmed with a feeling of intense joy. No reason whatsoever. Just the mere presence of the idol in front of me invoked this reaction.

Nevertheless, the two years passed with success and I did not have a need for such faith again (incidentally my mother always hated this faith-when-needed concept) which resulted in an atrophy of my faith. I was also exposed to other faiths/ideas/philosophies in college and soon realized that religion is a man-made institution. The idea of a supreme being or many supreme beings up in the sky overlooking each and every one of our actions sounded preposterous to me then, as much as I believed and depended on it only 2 years earlier. To borrow from Laplace’s famous quote, I was convinced that there was no reason for such a hypothesis. Extrapolating from my own experience I assumed that the purpose of religion was to provide hope and comfort. As I expanded my knowledge of history (including the Hindu-Muslim tensions in India) I gradually appreciated the power religion held over large masses of people. It seemed as if apart from providing hope and comfort, the very purpose of religion was to be able to exert wide-spread control. If not the purpose, it was and still is being used as a means.

Is there a God?

I suspect most people agree with the artificial (and even damaging) nature of organized religion and dissociate themselves from it. I also suspect that these people are agnostic about the existence of a God and even if such a God exists, believe that his/her function ended at creating life and the universe as we know it and he/she doesn’t care about overseeing our daily actions, punishing people for their sins or rewarding them with a materialistic possession that they so diligently pray for. Coming to this conclusion has been fairly straightforward and I was at this stage for a very long time.

A little bit of introspection led me to realize that I was merely clinging to the notion of a superior being as a vestige of the faith that once gave me immense comfort (and still does to a little extent). With what I will admit is a blatant generalization I suspect that most people I have described above are attached to such similar comfort. It is this vestigial comfort that makes them remain agnostic instead of taking that one final step to atheism. It makes them ask questions along the lines of “We do not know whether a God exists or not. How can we be sure he does not?” I was always uncomfortable with this line of logic since there never has been any shred of evidence to support the existence of God and almost a mountain of evidence that is slowly tending towards an explanation of the ultimate question about the origin of life? So how can being agnostic be a balanced view? Just because we do not yet fully understand how life and the universe came about, that does not mean we invoke a God of the gaps (a God meant to explain the gaps in our knowledge) and give this God equal weightage out of thin air*. To borrow the idea of Russell’s teapot (Link), do we say that we do not know whether or not a teapot is circling the sun between Mars and Earth? Are we agnostic about it? No. We say that from what we know it is not possible for such a teapot to exist. If children were taught to worship the teapot from a young age and told that this will save and protect them, does that change the likelihood of its existence based on our current knowledge? 

*(I borrowed the term God of the gaps from 'The God Delusion', a brilliant book by Richard Dawkins. In this book, Dawkins goes one step furthermore and hypothesizes that the origin of life is a random event that inspite of being statistically improbable was bound to happen due to the large number of planets in the known universe (a large sample space). I also strongly recommend Dawkins’ ‘The Blind Watchmaker’. It is an excellent explanation of evolution and his scientific brilliance and clarity of thought makes it a wonderful read. Despite his reputation as a polarizing figure Richard Dawkins is first and foremost a scientist and ‘The Blind Watchmaker’ thoroughly demonstrates this).

What about morality?

People often use an argument as flimsy as morality to account for the existence of God. I suppose this is not an issue with anyone other than theological literalists but I would like to address this anyway.

Firstly, those who claim that we need a God to tell us what is moral and what is immoral are implying that there is no action that they would consider immoral if it is not described so in their holy book. I have not read any holy book but it is also simply illogical to assume that any book covers all possible actions in a two neatly separated columns titled ‘Moral’ and ‘Immoral’. Furthermore, these people seem to imply that if there was no holy book they would be on the roads looting, killing and raping.

An oft quoted argument is how do the literalists pick what to accept and what to reject in their holy books? The two major religions of Christianity and Islam talk about killing non-believers. Even if this is not true literally, I am sure there are lines regarding this issue that are open to interpretation. Almost no sane person makes an interpretation that it is okay to kill a disbeliever. Yet these are the very same people who are okay with condemning a homosexual to a status as a second class citizen just because their holy book says so. Using what moral background are they able to make this discernment? I like making this point in any discussion about religion (by an admittedly low-blow) in the form of: “If your religious book tells you to kill all brown people, would you kill me? If not, why not?”

It is obvious that even the literalists invoke their morality from somewhere just like the rest of humanity. So what is this source? I was confounded about this for a very long time and I suspected that it was society’s general understanding of human nature that drives its morality. Of course this understanding starts off very poorly and improves one step at a time. Unfortunately a statement like this amounts to hand-waving and I suspect it makes people uncomfortable to the point of accusing atheists of being raving immoral lunatics. Nevertheless I feared that if this really was the case then untold immoral acts would be committed before mankind realizes what is moral and what is immoral. Was this really the way morality has been and still is being figured out?

At least the chapter on morality in ‘The God Delusion’ agrees with me. Dawkins gives it a very nice name too, ‘The Moral Zeitgeist’ or the moral spirit of the times. I will admit to having more confidence in this point of view as a result of this. It is the spirit of the times that seems to define what is moral and what is immoral. Surely slavery lasted a long time before civilizations realized that enslaving men was immoral. I strongly believe that just as the way racism is considered wrong and immoral now, homophobia will be looked down upon too in the future (despite what the religious books say).
The present moral zeitgeist does not consider eating meat to be immoral. The majority of the world population (me including) does so without even thinking twice. However I am convinced that the moral zeitgeist will change in the future to make eating meat immoral. Our descendents will wonder as to how one could so cruelly slaughter animals and eat them in just the way we look at the Romans and wonder how they could so immorally feed slaves to lions for their amusement.

So where am I right now?

I consider myself an ‘uncomfortable atheist’.

My discomfort does not stem from any doubts I have about the validity of atheism. It comes from having to do away with close to 20 years of comfort that blind faith in a superior being has given me. It is the comfort of the not having a peace of mind that if I do my part God will be there to take care of me and keep me and my family from harm. A loose analogy would be the way a tennis player who cannot find his lucky underwear feels before a game. In no way does it physically alter his game but the lack of mental comfort can prove to be a game-changing factor.

So yes, shaking away years of comfort that religion has given me is proving to be more difficult than I thought. But I intend to chip away at this crutch slowly and steadily and I am doing this only because I have consciously chosen to adopt a philosophy based on rationality. Doing anything else would be nothing short of intellectual dishonesty.

Isn’t a steadfast subscription to a rational way of life just as dogmatic as religion?

I am asked this question all the time. The answer is an obvious no. Surely it is one of the many philosophies of life but it is neither as dogmatic nor as extreme as most agnostics/theists make it to be. Rational thought by definition implies that we question everything and accept principles that are empirically validated. These principles undergo almost continuous scrutiny and iteration by a large population of the earth. I guess there is a certain amount of subjectivity in that too (Link) but all things compared there is no better philosophy of life than one based in rationality. Religion is a philosophy where any questioning was and still is not tolerated and in some cases punishable by death. I will not go into the depravity of organized religion here except to make the point that anyone who says religiousness and atheism give rise to comparable levels of fundamentalism is by far the most disingenuous person on the earth.

Having said all this, let’s say tomorrow morning we discover the existence of an intelligent designer who reveals to us that he/she worked out all the universal constants and made the universe and then put life on earth. This is a conscious watchmaker as opposed to Richard Dawkins' 'blind watchmaker'. I will obviously alter my beliefs accordingly. For that would be the rational thing to do.

Finally, are we better off without religion?

I am not talking about mass-eradication of religion. Trying to banish religion is a stupid idea at its very best. I look at this question from a personal point of view. When a young impressionable child asks me if there is a God, what do I tell him or her? At this moment I would say no. But I am certain I would add a lot of qualifiers to that.

I am also not sure if I would be doing the right thing for this child. I feel like a hypocrite. I have reaped the benefits of faith and spirituality during my child hood and now I want to deny someone else the same advantage? Of course this opens up a whole new can of worms. Why do I think a child will not be able to figure out the deeper aspects of faith by him/herself? Do I mean that faith is essential as a kid? Does it imply that atheist parents cannot rear productive children?

To me, some have obvious answer and some don’t. 

I suspect this stems from the ‘uncomfortable’ part of my chosen nomenclature. Fortunately I am confident about one thing. When I do manage to get rid of that 'uncomfortable' part, everything will become a lot clearer and I will have more straightforward answers!

What do you call yourself?

A father, a mother, a son and a daughter walk into a talent agency. The talent agent looks up from his desk when the father says “We want to try our luck in the entertainment industry and are here to show you our act”.

The talent agent looks at them, looks around and says, “Oh no! I know exactly what is going to happen. No way”!

But the father insists, “Do give us a shot and you won’t be disappointed”.

The agent apprehensively says, “Go ahead!”

So the father drags a table and chairs to the center of the room. The mother brings out a delicious smelling dinner and sets it up. All four of them sit down and say grace before beginning to eat. “How was your day honey?” asks the mother. The father proceeds to tell her that all five of the life-saving surgeries he performed pro-bono that day were a success and the illegal immigrant families had given him gift baskets to show their gratitude. He had accepted them as a sign of respect but later donated to a Salvation Army. The mother is pleased and informs the family that all her charity organizations managed to reach their fund raising goals for the year. As their director she would personally visit various third-world countries and provide aid and relief to the backward communities. Beaming with pride the attention now turns to the children. They both inform their parents that they have once again managed straight-A’s and excellence in sports and other extra-curricular activities comes easy to them. The parents though proud take this opportunity to instruct the kids about the virtues of humility and compassion. Amidst the conversation they see a homeless man outside the window. Immediately the son and the daughter empty half of their plates and go out to feed the tired and hungry man. They even give the man their dad’s coat to keep him warm. The derelict thanks the stranger’s kindness and goes on his way. The children come back into the house to find that their parents had bought them surprise gifts for their good performance in school. Although initially elated, their tender hearts bleed when they think of the homeless man they had fed and clothed not more than a few minutes ago and others less fortunate like him. They ask their parents to donate their gifts to a good charitable organization where they will be given to needier children. The family soon settles down for their game-night of ‘pictionary’. Through the adept use of allegory, the parents use the game to instruct the kids in human morality and basic goodness of man. They do not however forget that this is meant to be fun and the children seem to be enjoying themselves thoroughly. Just then the father finds out that one of his patients has unexpectedly taken a turn for the worse and is in urgent need of a kidney. Knowing that there isn’t time to put him on the transplant list, the father decides to donate his kidney to save the man. The family is grief struck as this means an end to family traditions like football sunday and fishing friday. But they understand. The man will die without a kidney leaving his children to grow up as orphans, if they grow up at all. They know that what their father is doing is the right and courageous thing. They are proud of him. Before leaving for the hospital they come together for a group hug. They weep silently but the intense love and affection they feel for each other fills the family with renewed strength and they loudly vow to “be there for each other until the end of time.”

With that the group breaks up with a "TADAAAA" and all look at the agent expectedly.

The talent agent stares at them for the longest time and says, “That is one hell of an act. What do you call yourself?”

MetallicA...MetallicA...MetallicA

I realized that I had not put up any cover of the first band that I became a fanatic of...MetallicA.

Think whatever you want of MetallicA now but there is no denying the dizzying heights of music and showmanship they had reached in the first 2 decades of their career. Here is a cover of Bells (as Lars calls it often), a shining example that complicated chords/fast riffs/shredding solos are not a necessity for making an insanely heavy song (pretty much why I chose it ;)! FYI, the triplet part that Kirk plays is stolen from the ending of 'Fairies Wear Boots', a Sabbath song.

Oh MetallicA...how far you have fallen! It is said that MetallicA is a religion and James Hetfield is its God! It pains me immensely to say this but I am no longer a member of the church of Hetfield! Sad but True. But the Memory Remains!

Original Piece: Feart

This is a tiny little piece of music called 'Feart' that I came up with. I tried to expand it into something fleshier but nothing around it sounded good to me. So I left it as it is.

"There comes a time when your own music matters much more than covers" - A paraphrased quote by John Frusciante.

Feart

The kingdom is safe

The queen looked out of her castle window into the pouring rain. Her gaze penetrated the downpour and the dark clouds and seemed to extend beyond the black mountains on the horizon. It was a gloomy night and a dark shadow enveloped not just her but the castle and the entire city. A shadow that seemed perfectly appropriate, for her king had died only that morning. A mysterious illness that had plagued him for a year had taken his life after finally defeating him. The palace physicians said that he looked peaceful. But she could not bear to look at his dead body. She did not believe them. How could he have been peaceful leaving her behind all alone? How could he have been peaceful knowing that his vast kingdom was now without an heir? And that all his enemies had been awaiting his death to pillage and rape his beloved land. Feelings of guilt for blaming her dead king engulfed her momentarily when she heard the sound of footsteps behind her.

“Your majesty. The vazir is here”

“......Send him in”

“Yes my queen”

The vazir. He was a smart man. Loyal. He would do as she asked him to. She needed his loyalty to remain protected. She needed his loyalty to carry out what needed to be done. The oracle’s advice upon the king’s impending death seemed strange. Yet she knew better than to question the oracle. She hoped the Vazir knew better than to question her. But he would. It was his nature. She turned around in time to see him walk in.

“My condolences your highness.”

“The time for mourning will come Jafar. More pressing matters demand our attention now if we are to avoid a complete annihilation at the hands of our enemies. We need to find a new King.”

“Yes my queen.

Do you wish to name someone now?”

“No. But I do have someone in mind.”

“Who is this person may I inquire my lady?”

“He is man of many virtues and talents. I do not know his name or face or even whether he exists or not, but I am sure he is one who will protect and lead us.”

“My lady, forgive me but how do we find this man if we do not know anything about him?”

“There is a way Jafar. Send your men to all corners of the world. Tell them to seek the man who has run two half marathons till now. This man would have run his first 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 17 minutes. But the second one would take him a time of 2 hours 6 minutes and 58 seconds. And he would have achieved these numbers in the company of two of his comrades. Make sure your men remember these numbers for fate dictates that only he can save us.”

“......My lady, forgive me once again but this hero of yours happen to have at best a pace of 9:12 mins per mile and I doubt if he can be the savior that your highness makes him out...”

“FOOL OF A VAZIR! How dare you question me? Utter one more word of insolence and I will have you beheaded and buried next to my husband!”

“......my apologies your highness. I speak only with the best of intentions for our kingdom. I will send my men out immediately to find this man we need. I will keep you appraised my lady.”

“Make haste Jafar. We do not have much time.”

With the vazir bowing his head and backing away from the room the queen turned back towards the window to look at the rain. She felt as if fate was conspiring against everything that she held dear by subjecting her to such vicissitudes. She knew that she had to hold strong. Yet, she wondered if the oracle could be trusted every single time? She wondered whether or not such a man existed. If he did, where was he? She could only wistfully look at the black mountains for now.

--------------------------
The kingdom is safe for I am the savior!
My two comrades are Golu and Buffy.
Golu and I did the half and Buffy did the full.
Good fun it was.
Some pics here: Richmond Nov 14th

Elders finally decide on when to end calendar

City of Maya, Maya Area: After a long and acerbic session of bickering the elders have finally agreed on when to end the official calendar. It has been decided that all official Mayan calendars will now end 2000 years from now instead of the previously agreed upon 4000 years. This decision was reached in order to make amends for the severe stone shortage that has been plaguing our land for over a year. Elder Tore-My-ACL says, “We are certain that our great civilization will prosper well after 4000 years. But it is foolish to waste so much stone in etching all the dates for all those years. I mean, when our great grandchildren reach 2012 A.D. they can easily get a fresh set of calendars etched and distributed. I don’t mean to sound like a pig’s testicle but why should we defray the costs of calendar etching for future generations especially during these tough times? Have you checked the price of grain lately? The tax-payers don’t need this right now! No disrespect to elder Can-Bench-200 but he acts as if ending the calendar so soon will make some pale skinned men magically appear from the east and conquer us.”

Elder Can-Bench-200 is of course the leader of the opposition who strongly advocated making the official calendar 4000 years into the future based on the arbitrary claim that the number “4000 was two times more awesome that some whimpy 2000”. At the end of the day common sense prevailed but as a compromise it was agreed that instructions (written on biodegradable papyrus) would be supplied with every calendar telling the slightly naïve citizens not to over interpret the calendar ending at 2012 A.D and how to calculate the dates beyond.

Sam Etaro

Massive(ly Anachronistic) Onion Rip-Off Artist (But Not As Funny)

Thought Collage: Set your phaser to level 8

In case you do not get the reference (for which you should stand in front of a mirror and call yourself a PATAK), this collection is going to be entirely about Star Trek.

I used to watch a lot of Star Trek: TNG as a child, which as far as I can recall was my first exposure to situations involving ethical and moral dilemmas. (Incidentally, the other show that I found fascinating from a similar point of view was the ‘Practice’). Of course, as a child I could not fully comprehend all the subtleties of the issues being explored and whenever they veered off the pure scientific mystery (which was so much more interesting) I would get tempted to ‘change the channel’ but was invariably drawn in. However, revisiting the show has allowed me to appreciate the episodes in greater detail (in this case, I am primarily referring to 'The Next Generation’). It is a pity that being a Star Trek fan carries a nerd stigma in mainstream American culture as I am sure this discourages a lot of young kids from watching it in the first place. It would definitely be more wholesome than Keeping up with the Kardhasians (or should I have said, Cardassians. ;)..Ok…no groans allowed)

Spurred by the recent movie, I ploughed through the entire 7 seasons of Star Trek: Voyager, revisited 4 seasons of Star Trek: TNG and right now am going through Star Trek: TOS on youtube. The by-product of doing that has been some thoughts about the Star Trek universe which I shall promptly spit out.

1of4) Economy: One of the major aspects of the Star Trek universe is the lack of money. From what I have seen (and read on the net), the economy in place during the 23rd century has never been explored properly. The only bit of information that is thrown out in episodes/movies is whenever someone is talking to an anachronistic person and says the line “we don’t have money in our time” (or something similar). It seems like an idea that was incorporated because of its novelty and awe-factor but without being fully fleshed out. Make no mistake; I have no problem in suspending disbelief. I just feel that this would have been a very interesting area to explore. Personally (and unrelated to Star Trek) I am convinced that having money (or any form of currency) is an inevitable product of any economy. At the risk of oversimplification, I feel it is as simple as the fact that you need to exchange goods with others to live productively in a society (no one can be absolutely self sufficient). To exchange goods efficiently you would need an easy form of payment leading to an accepted form of currency. An economy that does not have currency is intriguing. I did do a little bit of searching and discovered something called ‘Participatory Economics’. It is nowhere mentioned in Star Trek canon that this is the model in place but I did find a website arguing that it is the closest. Talking about this economic model is digression but it makes for an interesting read here.

2of4) Cloaking: Humans in Star Trek have both allies (Vulcans) and enemies (Romulans). Although, the Starships of the humans are generally considered technologically superior, there are many episodes where a Klingon or Romulan warship uses ‘cloaking’ to out-battle the Starships. This ‘cloaking’ technology is something the Starships lack. I am willing to suspend my disbelief again but it is hard to keep forgetting that Starships which are very often touted as having the superior destructive and maneuvering capability (once the warbirds have de-cloaked i.e) do not possess this one technology. Wouldn’t an arms race (on which many uneasy truces depend on) lead to massive resources being invested in figuring out this vital piece of technology? There are only so many episodes where someone shouts “RED ALERT! Romulan warbird…de-cloaking portside” before it makes you wonder why at the end of the day the captains don’t go “Captain's log, supplemental: Was taking a relaxing bath. Got taken by surprise again. Must figure this cloaking thing out”. The interesting aspect to this is that according to at least one movie (and possibly other episodes), humans were able to capture a functioning Klingon warship. Someone surely lost their job for dropping the reverse-engineering ball!

3of4) The Borg: After the Vulcans, the Borg are my favourite species in the Trek universe. The Borg are cybernetic creatures which assimilate other species and outfit them with technology to make them part of their collective. They do this to incorporate the species’ biological and technological knowledge into their own know-how in order to become stronger. The Borg have wiped out many races in this manner and are not to be fucked with. If one considers brute force, only one other species (Species 8472) have managed to beat the Borg. Simply put, they are the bad-asses of the 23rd century. But how did they come about? To my knowledge the origins of the Borg have not been explored at all. I find it disappointing that no writing team could come up with a plausible storyline. How about making SKYNET the forerunner of the Borg? Surely it is lazy writing but at least it is something. Or maybe it is time for me to explore my fan-fiction skills! 

4of4) Deanna Troi: Finally, my boyhood crush Deanna Troi!

Oh Counselor Troi

I was only a little boy

When I first laid my eyes on you

Your phaser was set to stun

I could neither hide nor run

For I loved you deeply and truly

But you liked William Riker

How I hated that motherf****

I knew it was in vain

Yet I yearned for you silently

I did move onto Agent Scully

I am a grown man now

And though my words might be sleazy

My love for you comes easy

So this I declare to you

You are welcome in my house

To lay down on my couch

For oh Counselor Troi

I am no more a little boy

The End!
Live Long and Prosper!

What are earthquakes to a girl's guitar?

Answer: Just another guitar cover of the solo before Californication at Slane Castle

In commemoration of Apollo 11

Open letter to Seth McFarlane (Part 2)

Dear Seth,
I thought I was done venting and railing against you here. Apparently not.
I came across this recently.

A strange feeling of serenity engulfed me when I saw it. Unlike the last time, I have no intention of amateurly using MSPaint to launch a tepid attack against you. Three simple words will do the job. And so I say this with utmost sincerity Seth.
Please kill yourself.
Thank you.

Jaanu, Mein Tujhe Chod Raha Hoon

The curious girl

Gather around kids. It's anecdote time.

4 years ago during the fall of 2005, I was a bright eyed young lad bristling with FOB-ness amongst fellow FOBs (FOB=Fresh Off the Boat). I had come to the land of the free and home of the brave just a year ago and did not have a driver's license yet. As is the case with every small town in the USA one needs a car to get around and therefore one needs a driver's license to even begin thinking about borrowing a friend's car under the pretext of going out to buy some groceries but surreptitiously taking a girl out which may or may not have ended badly. Yes...yes...that is a story for another day.

So anyway, in order to obtain the aforementioned driving license, two of my buddies and I stayed up all night studying for the test (the written one for the learner's permit and not the driving one for the driver's permit) and went to the local DMV the next morning. As the three of us stood in line trying to remember whether the state highway speed limit in Mississippi was 55 or 65 and why would one try to recall it from memory and not just read it off a sign while driving, we noticed a young girl of about sixteen staring at us blatantly. Considering that we had been in Mississippi for almost a year by then, most of us had internalized strange stares from strangers. But this young one had her eyes filled with a curiosity so intense, you would think she was watching a live re-enactment of a season finale of Lost (I went through 3 bawdy comparisons before settling on this lame one). We tried to ignore her but not before FOB-ishly acknowledging her stares in Hindi amongst ourselves. The staring match (at which she was thrashing us mercilessly) went on for about 5 minutes and I can only imagine that she used this time to muster the courage to say the next words.

"Excuse me, what are you guys?"

The cutting frankness and naivete of her question prompted all of us to burst into laughter and the lady seated a few chairs next to her tried to cover her face in shame (or maybe to avoid being recognized as witness in what she perceived to be a potential lawsuit). The amusement quickly subsided and we answered "Indian". This of course stoked the young one's curiosity even further and she launched into a series of inquiries about us, India, its location, its culture and more, that all three of us answered enthusiastically. She was highly amused that none of us had a license in spite of being in our early twenties. "Just how did you get around during college?" was her concern. I wasn't sure if my lengthy answer detailing the ubiquity of public transport in India satisfied her. She still wore a look of incredulity. Nevertheless she decided to move on to the next lesson in the impromptu 'world cultures' class and asked us about the language we were conversing in before. Having done this many times before, my friend launched into some of the salient aspects of Hindi while pointing out the plethora of other languages in the country. She seemed awed that all three of us knew how to speak our mother tongues apart from the national language, Hindi. And then with a look of genuine confusion she asked,

"But how do you speak to the people in the US?"

After a second of stunned silence, my friend went into a fit of laughter that was intermingled with a loud "What the fuck"! The lady next to the young one promptly joined him. The absurdity of her question when viewed against the 15 minutes of conversation she had had with us took some time to sink into her and understandably she was very embarrassed. As one would expect, she stopped talking to us completely after the incident and avoided any form of eye contact. The rest of our time at the DMV was fairly tame and all us managed to obtain a learner's permit without too much trouble (if I remember right, I had managed to pass by just one question) . We were of course eager to get back and tell the story of the curious and confused girl to all who would listen.

In retrospect, I think it was great that this girl had the very healthy attitude of satisfying her curiosity in a straightforward manner. Hopefully, something as insignificant as being embarrassed before others (and I mean this with utmost sincerity) did not create an aversion to asking questions in her.

So remember kids. Always ask questions but also think a little before doing so. Doesn't hurt. Now go do your homework.