Thought Collage: Set your phaser to level 8

In case you do not get the reference (for which you should stand in front of a mirror and call yourself a PATAK), this collection is going to be entirely about Star Trek.

I used to watch a lot of Star Trek: TNG as a child, which as far as I can recall was my first exposure to situations involving ethical and moral dilemmas. (Incidentally, the other show that I found fascinating from a similar point of view was the ‘Practice’). Of course, as a child I could not fully comprehend all the subtleties of the issues being explored and whenever they veered off the pure scientific mystery (which was so much more interesting) I would get tempted to ‘change the channel’ but was invariably drawn in. However, revisiting the show has allowed me to appreciate the episodes in greater detail (in this case, I am primarily referring to 'The Next Generation’). It is a pity that being a Star Trek fan carries a nerd stigma in mainstream American culture as I am sure this discourages a lot of young kids from watching it in the first place. It would definitely be more wholesome than Keeping up with the Kardhasians (or should I have said, Cardassians. ;)..Ok…no groans allowed)

Spurred by the recent movie, I ploughed through the entire 7 seasons of Star Trek: Voyager, revisited 4 seasons of Star Trek: TNG and right now am going through Star Trek: TOS on youtube. The by-product of doing that has been some thoughts about the Star Trek universe which I shall promptly spit out.

1of4) Economy: One of the major aspects of the Star Trek universe is the lack of money. From what I have seen (and read on the net), the economy in place during the 23rd century has never been explored properly. The only bit of information that is thrown out in episodes/movies is whenever someone is talking to an anachronistic person and says the line “we don’t have money in our time” (or something similar). It seems like an idea that was incorporated because of its novelty and awe-factor but without being fully fleshed out. Make no mistake; I have no problem in suspending disbelief. I just feel that this would have been a very interesting area to explore. Personally (and unrelated to Star Trek) I am convinced that having money (or any form of currency) is an inevitable product of any economy. At the risk of oversimplification, I feel it is as simple as the fact that you need to exchange goods with others to live productively in a society (no one can be absolutely self sufficient). To exchange goods efficiently you would need an easy form of payment leading to an accepted form of currency. An economy that does not have currency is intriguing. I did do a little bit of searching and discovered something called ‘Participatory Economics’. It is nowhere mentioned in Star Trek canon that this is the model in place but I did find a website arguing that it is the closest. Talking about this economic model is digression but it makes for an interesting read here.

2of4) Cloaking: Humans in Star Trek have both allies (Vulcans) and enemies (Romulans). Although, the Starships of the humans are generally considered technologically superior, there are many episodes where a Klingon or Romulan warship uses ‘cloaking’ to out-battle the Starships. This ‘cloaking’ technology is something the Starships lack. I am willing to suspend my disbelief again but it is hard to keep forgetting that Starships which are very often touted as having the superior destructive and maneuvering capability (once the warbirds have de-cloaked i.e) do not possess this one technology. Wouldn’t an arms race (on which many uneasy truces depend on) lead to massive resources being invested in figuring out this vital piece of technology? There are only so many episodes where someone shouts “RED ALERT! Romulan warbird…de-cloaking portside” before it makes you wonder why at the end of the day the captains don’t go “Captain's log, supplemental: Was taking a relaxing bath. Got taken by surprise again. Must figure this cloaking thing out”. The interesting aspect to this is that according to at least one movie (and possibly other episodes), humans were able to capture a functioning Klingon warship. Someone surely lost their job for dropping the reverse-engineering ball!

3of4) The Borg: After the Vulcans, the Borg are my favourite species in the Trek universe. The Borg are cybernetic creatures which assimilate other species and outfit them with technology to make them part of their collective. They do this to incorporate the species’ biological and technological knowledge into their own know-how in order to become stronger. The Borg have wiped out many races in this manner and are not to be fucked with. If one considers brute force, only one other species (Species 8472) have managed to beat the Borg. Simply put, they are the bad-asses of the 23rd century. But how did they come about? To my knowledge the origins of the Borg have not been explored at all. I find it disappointing that no writing team could come up with a plausible storyline. How about making SKYNET the forerunner of the Borg? Surely it is lazy writing but at least it is something. Or maybe it is time for me to explore my fan-fiction skills! 

4of4) Deanna Troi: Finally, my boyhood crush Deanna Troi!

Oh Counselor Troi

I was only a little boy

When I first laid my eyes on you

Your phaser was set to stun

I could neither hide nor run

For I loved you deeply and truly

But you liked William Riker

How I hated that motherf****

I knew it was in vain

Yet I yearned for you silently

I did move onto Agent Scully

I am a grown man now

And though my words might be sleazy

My love for you comes easy

So this I declare to you

You are welcome in my house

To lay down on my couch

For oh Counselor Troi

I am no more a little boy

The End!
Live Long and Prosper!

Thought Collage: Part VII (Stand up and Be counted)

In this one, I have a short collection of short nonsensical paragraphs.
The kind of stuff that would probably go on someone’s twitter.
But I don’t and will never twitter.
Twittering is for losers.

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As is the best way to start any day, let me begin by talking about shitting! I am a big fan of reading while on the toilet. The calm of the morning while you cleanse your body (so to speak) is highly conducive for a relaxing read. What the world (or at the very least me) needs is some sort of support structure that can easily be pulled up in front on which a book can be placed. Maybe it can be designed to even hold other stuff. I don’t have a fully formed idea in my mind yet but I cannot help feel that this is great idea. Maybe I will sketch something soon!

Here is one way for employers to increase productivity. Give your employees the option to change/swap the location of their work station every 6 months. It would be great if people could simply pack up and move to a new place as if you are starting a new job. I for one would like the novelty associated and the feeling of starting afresh that comes with it. Moreover if you hate the guy working next to your cubicle, you have to put up with him for only a short period of time instead of trying to start the next crusades!

There have been many occasions when I felt that the magnificent view that can be from an airplane window is hampered due to the miniature sized windows. An aerial view of earth is not something that can be obtained whenever one feels like it and the few chances that I get to do so, I am stuck with an iphone browser instead of an IMAX!
What do we want?
Bigger windows on planes!
When do we want it?
Whenever possible (cuz we are reasonable)

Who decided that all clocks need to be essentially 'multiplication clocks'? I am kinda tired of multiplying whenever I want to read the time. Maybe getting into dividing will help change the drudgery that is reading time off an analog watch. I want a clock like this. Who is with me? Who is?

I think my toes are useless. I think everyone’s toes are useless too. Can you think of one thing you cannot do if you had perfectly webbed feet? In fact webbed feet will help you swim faster. Most people spend 8 hrs of their day wearing shoes and in really cold places I am guessing the rest of the time is spent wearing socks. There really isn’t anything you use your toes for (fetishes notwithstanding). Plus think about all the times you stubbed them and prayed to god to take you away so that the pain ends. All in all, toes should be declared vestigial organs. I am declaring an evolutionary war on them. Women of the world, you know what to do (just consider me too even though I have normal healthy non-webbed sexy toes ;) !!
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But seriously, don’t twitter!
If you do, we can never be friends.
If you already are my friend and twitter, then ‘cutiff’!

Thought Collage: Part 6 (of a 10 part series*)

* The number of parts can be changed without any notice. It most likely will.

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1) By the end of march this year my daily TV viewing had almost gone down to zero. I was turning into one of them, a snob! Except, instead of spending all the time I wasn’t watching TV on reading, exercising, doing carpentry (???) I was wasting it on the internet. My youtube account summary tells me that I joined on April 4th 2006 and have watched 6815 videos so far. If you do the math, that amounts to around 9 videos per day. (Actually, once you do the math it doesn’t seem so bad!!!) Either way, my point is that I wasn’t ‘seeking’ out anything on TV except Southpark (which also is starting to become a hit and miss rather than being a consistently brilliant show). Days would go by before I would hear the canned laughter on the Daily Show and Jon Stewart’s tiresome old antics, before I would get a glimpse of 30 Rock, a show that serves as glaring proof that really smart comedy writers who can’t act to save their lives should not do so just because they are the ones scripting their show, before I could see news corporations report events with so much bias that it convinces you something has to be terribly wrong with either them or you without any middle ground. As you can see, TV was failing me. Then my sister introduced me to HOUSE. Freaking beautiful.
It takes watching just one typical HOUSE episode to get you hooked to it. And it is painfully obvious to see why this is so. The show is about a guy named House who is a doctor with razor sharp wit and the ability to ‘tell it like it is’ without fear of consequences. Who doesn’t want to have that?!! No wonder it has taken off so well. The show does have some obvious weak points. Most of the episodes follow an obvious template, the side characters are a little boring and I find one of them to be very annoying (Cameron) and in real life it is hard to imagine why even the few people who back Dr. House would do so. But who cares? You should listen to his witticisms!!!
TV, I can hope once again!

2) Speaking of doctors, my sis is officially one now. She still has maybe another 100 years of studying left before she can convince me to let go of my common sense and put my life in her hands. I am not being mean. We obviously grew up studying together and I know how easily she gets distracted. It is very likely I will be wincing in pain trying to tell her my symptoms while she is thinking about ‘dreamy Hrithik Roshan in Jodhaa Akbar’ (her words)!!!

I am only kidding!
I could not be prouder of my sis! I am sure she will be a great doctor and I already trust her more than some of the more experienced docs I happened to see!

3) Sweet Taste of India: I spent the entire month of March in India. Needless to say, it was bliss. But let me tell you about something else. At the Washington Dulles Airport, I observed an interesting phenomenon that has to do with a huge bunch of desis trying to form lines. Coupling this observation with my years of traveling experience in India, I have come to the conclusion that Indians have a peculiar mindset that I shall from now on call ‘The Arrowhead Mindset’. The principle that comes into play due to this mindset will be called ‘The Arrowhead Principle’. Allow me to explain. At the base of all this explanation is the axiom that desis don’t like standing in lines and will do anything they can to avoid them. However, this is possible only in India. If we try to pull such stunts in the US (prolly in Europe too) we will be assaulted with disapproving glances. A few of us develop the guts to ignore these ‘you can’t do that here, its frowned upon’ looks from the westerners and/or develop a resistance to them (thereby stripping the common American of all possible arsenal to deal with such situations) These are the people who effect the ‘Arrowhead Principle’. These and the bloody FOBs!
The Principle basically states that all (the daring and the meek) desis upon finding a line that is already quite long subdue their instincts to wriggle their way ahead by saying “boss, zaraa hathiye” and meekly join in at the back. They unintentionally preserve the linear nature of the line. This is illustrated by Figure 2 from the picture below. The blue dots form all the people forming the line and the reds are us. However a different situation arises (Figure 1) when the line is still temptingly short so as to defy being recognized as an official line by onlookers. It is at this time that the rebels amongst us, the ones who still have ‘red blood’ coursing through our veins, those who are true ‘dharti putrs’ and who have grown up on ‘maa ka dood’ shine (these and the bloody FOBs) and immediately join in on either side, instantly transforming the line into an arrowhead.

I watched this happen countless times as a kid in India at bus stops, train stations, chat bandhars…pretty much any place in India where a line could be formed (a good exception to this rule is the bus stops in Mumbai. People actually form and maintain lines there. They used to at least!). I never watched it happen in the US until last month. I was fascinated. It happened twice actually, at the Washington Airport and in Doha (my layover). I made a mental note to develop this into a formal theory before someone else recognizes something so obvious. So yeah, keep it real desis (doesn’t include you, you bloody FOBs). In case you are wondering, I am not a 'dharti-putr'.

4) There are a select group of people who use the pool at my gym who completely baffle my understanding of common sense and courtesy. There is a sign that clearly says “PLEASE SHOWER BEFORE ENTERING THE POOL”. Now I follow this religiously and you might call me a chump for doing so. Normally I try to justify everything I do with reason but in this case I probably am a chump. The pool is drenched in chlorine. People who swim do end up taking in and spitting out water from their mouths. Maybe someone even ends up peeing a bit in the pool (what with all the water around you!). So you would think the germs from an unwashed swimmer should only be a psychological block and nothing else! I fully agree with this line of logic. But I draw the line in making an effort to overcome this block when it comes to the case of sweaty assholes who have just finished a run and come straight to the pool and jump into the water in all their sweaty glory. These retards definitely read the sign but choose to ignore it altogether. What is the logic in this? They are too proud of their sweat, too tired and thus inconsiderate, too rebellious to follow rules?!! Sadly, I am still a chump. I am not anal enough to complain about this and will probably stop letting this bother me very soon. Still dudes, come on!

5) Finally, here is a cover of the song ‘I could have lied’. It is by RHCP from the album Blood Sugar Sex Magic. I had initially learnt the first solo and was content with that. After a long time, I learnt the verse and chorus followed by the final solo. Then decided to cover the whole song with vocals. Singing while playing this proved to be a little tough (as will be very obvious). I haven’t done even 10% justice to the awesomeness that is the first solo. Do check out the song if you haven’t already.

Thought Collage: Season 1, Episode 5

(From SouthPark)
Mr. Garrison: Let's start the day with a few new math problems -- what is five times two? Yes...Clyde?
Clyde: Twelve.
Mr. Garrison: Okay. Now let's try and get an answer from somebody who is not a complete retard.
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So as of now I feel a little stupid as I am in waist-deep academic shit and am in the process of the trying hard to stay afloat. That being said, don’t be fooled into thinking that I am working day in and day out......unless of course you are my advisor (in which case...I AM working day in and day out professor!)

In order to do some damage control to my dwindling readership I managed to salvage some thoughts and a simple video in the hopes that this will bring some credibility to my site-meter statistics. Please feel free to come back and reread this post as many times as you want to :P
Lets see what have we got this time...

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The World Cup: Some paragraphs
1) First of all...I am very glad the WC is over. No more guilt-filled escapades from work in the mornings and afternoons to watch the games. This just means I can attain my peace of mind again and get back to doing all the work that I’ve been avoiding and procrastinating. (All lies...Professor…all lies...don’t believe any of them)

2) Then there’s the usual stuff that I file into the category of ‘highly-subjective-and-evanescent-topics’...stuff which everyone feels like talking about from his/her POV and feels is right but after a week or two nobody gives a damn...stuff like Did Italy deserve to win?...Was Zidane’s head-butt unwarranted?...Shud Materazzi have been fined too?...so on. I am no expert in football so I won’t even bother indulging in these things...except maybe say..."Oh...the places I would have gone If I looked like Ballack :P ”!!!!

3) Finally, I see the reports everywhere as 'Italy beats France on penalty shoot outs (5-3)' and I feel like yelling...”Duuuuuuuuuuuuudes, France didn’t even get to take its final penalty...so its inaccurate to say 5-3.” I know these things don’t go on record and moreover, France wouldn’t care if it lost 5-3 or 5-4 but still, there is a certain inaccuracy in such a report and it bothers me a little!

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The Bible preacher: And how I pissed him off
Now I live in Mississippi...which is in the so called ‘Bible-belt’ of the USA. And it is not at all uncommon to sometimes find yourself trapped in a conversation with people (who I won’t be surprised to find, target unsuspecting internationals) who talk about the virtues of following Jesus etc etc. I’ve had quite a few friends who’ve been in such situations. It’s not like I want to convert or anything but I’ve always wanted to talk to these preachers only to see what they have to say and piss them off with my religious arrogance. And for some reason such an experience always eluded me...until last Friday. I was sitting on a bench outside when this middle-aged guy walked up to me and said, “I am very happy today”. I kid you not, my first thought was, “WTF...Did he have an orgy last night or what?...Even so, why does he have to show off to random people...Oh wait, I would brag about such a thing too to random people :P” But the next thing he said was “That’s cuz I have Jesus in me”.
“Bingo!”...I thought!
He then proceeded to inquire about my religion and if I believed in heaven and hell and if I wanted to feel the love of God et cetera et cetera. I listened to him carefully and started pointing out with a pragmatic line of reasoning as to why I didn’t want to do whatever he wanted me to do. His every sentence had ‘lord’ and ‘God’ in it and my every response started with “But...” and had words like ‘common sense’ and ‘sanity’. I know this makes me sound conceited but I really believe in everything I said that day. Anyway, the result of the conversation was that I successfully pissed him off.
Strike one was when at one point he called me ignorant for not knowing the right ways of God. I retaliated by calling him an extremist who lets religion control his life too much. This ticked him off a lot.
Then later, he offered to pray for a blessing for my successful graduation and I politely declined it. (I really was polite :)). To make a point or save face or whatever he asked me how I would feel if he prayed for a curse for me. I told him it wouldn’t make the slightest difference to me and he could do as he pleased. That was strike two.
Strike three was when he offered to give me his phone number in case I was interested in getting together for one of his group meetings with other students. I again politely told him that I did not want his phone number because there wasn’t the slightest chance that I would be interested in such a thing at all. At this point he simply bid me goodbye and left.

In retrospect, I now have a slight amount of ‘winner’s guilt’. Maybe there wasn’t any need to engage him in conversation in the first place if I had made up my mind to be hostile. Whatever it is, I can never fathom the need to proselytize and in my opinion it is the one of the shadiest things people can do!

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Movie Reviews: You know you want it
I realized I really went a little overboard with my last post reviewing RHCP and all...so Ill try and compensate here with as little info as possible...

1) Superman Returns
Brandon Routh...surprisingly good.
Kevin Spacey...pretty good.
Kate Bosworth...both good and cute.
Movie...watchable once!

2) Pirates Part 2
Keira Knightley...Yummmmy!
Keira Knightley...Yummmmy!
Keira Knightley...Yummmmy!
Keira Knightley...Yummmmy!
Keira Knightley...Yummmmy!
Movie...who cares? Keira Knightley...Yummmmy!

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Fractal Collage: Cuz only blog-ninjas can pull off such stunts
-->Did you know that Debra Messing (Grace from ‘Will and Grace’) named her son Roman. Cool eh? Ok...maybe not so much but at least it’s better than some other weird ass ones!! I mean its one thing to publicly acknowledge the fact that you are a superman fan but naming your son Kal-El is taking it too far Mr.Cage. Imagine how his friends will rip him apart when he grows older.
-->Starbucks wont make my hot chocolate any hotter that their set temperature. They fear being sued apparently. So I have to make do with lukewarm chocolate probably because of some fucker who was stupid enough to not know how to sip on a hot beverage and got his tongue burnt and then decided to sue Starbucks to make a quick buck!!
--> If you think you don’t have to stop completely at the stop signs only because you are riding a slow moving bicycle then you are wrong. If a cop catches you doing it he will definitely pull up right alongside you and give a stern warning making you feel like an idiot. I just know.

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The video: Straight from Roman Entertainment Inc. HQs
This is a video of me (on the left playing the rhythm on acoustic) along with my friend Avinash (on the right playing the leads on the electric) trying to capture the essence of the hindi song “Kya Maloom” by this awesome Indian band called ‘Indian Ocean’. We only play the first 3 or 4 minutes…the actual song speeds up immensely after that. I strongly recommend listening to the original song. I screwed up (as usual :() in a few places but hopefully that doesn’t ruin the song much.




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Right......I know this post does not and will not have the same magnetic effect on the blog’s readership that Mandira Bedi had on the Indian viewership when she wore ‘that’ outfit during the cricket world cup in ‘03. But hey...I don’t cross-dress and I have to try!
So until later...keep it complex! :P

Thought Collage: Parte Cuatro

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Year 2015
The absence of lights except for the solitary lamp cast ominous shadows everywhere in the room. Sitting in a dark corner with his knees drawn up to his chest the man waited for the nightly rounds to end. The sound of the baton hitting the steel doors far away entered the room faintly. It gradually increased in intensity and startled the man who was lost in his thoughts when the guard struck on his door. He held his breathe for a few seconds and let it go only when he heard the sound again. This time slightly less louder. And gradually it faded away into the dark silence. This was an everyday experience ever since he was institutionalized for his addiction. He was doing his best to cure himself but the battle was getting tougher and tougher. He couldn't take it anymore and caved in. He had used all his contacts and resources to obtain the contraband. And tonight he was going to treat himself to the joy that he was deprived of for the past 6 months. Listening intently to make sure all was quiet he slowly reached down below his bed and pulled out the Dell Inspiron laptop that wasn’t supposed to be there and switched it on. Once it was booted up he connected to the wireless LAN that was prevalent throughout the building and logged into the network with the stolen user id and password. A few anxious moments were rewarded with the site of Google homepage loading up and he let out a stifled chuckle of merriment. Wasting no time he went to the address bar and proceeded to type in www.rohitsammeta.blogsp..... and that was when the door was thrown open with a frightening thud and bright lights filled the room in an instant. His startled and angry eyes saw his doctor followed by 5 huge men run into the room and reaching for him and the laptop. Desperately clutching onto it he shouted in vain. The laptop was snatched away from him and he was easily overpowered. Amidst shouts of “Nooooooo…” the doctor gave him a large sedative shot that gradually quietened him and eventually put him to sleep. Shaking his head the doc looked at his chart. 6 months into treatment for a severe case of blog addiction and he still hadn’t shown any remarkable improvement. His wasn’t the first such case. They were doing everything they could in their power but without any results. A shadow of gloom set in as the room plunged into darkness once again. All they could do was hope.
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Because I don’t want any of you to become someone like the man in 2015 I have decided to cut short my work in the day and make this posting. Haha what a bunch of BS, you say? Ok then! The real reason being that the time had come for me to give out another installment of Thought Collage (and for the one to go to the temple of the king!) Did I just see you do a little dance of joy there? Huh?
So anyway...here's the outcome:

First place: Being the super magnanimous dude that I am I very magnanimously volunteered to be a judge for a magnanimous children’s science fair (ok...that last magnanimous wasn’t necessary, but it's one of my favourite words. But only second to ‘gobbledygook’. Unfortunately I never get to use gobbledygook. Until now!). The kids taking part in this science fair were from grades 3 to 9. Since I neither have scruffy hair nor currently hold a job at a patent office I thought it would be a cool contradictory thing to volunteer as a physics judge. I had a great time judging, watching the kids come up with some really smart things and me trying to explain a few physics fundamentals to them ;). Although I must concede that my efforts to explain the Maxwell’s equations to the 4th grades might not have been entirely successful. They surely must have thought “Man...that’s a whole lot of gobbledygook!” :D
Seriously though, my biggest problem was that I could not remember how much I knew in my 3rd grade. In other words, I didn’t know the benchmark of knowledge for each grade. And thus there was no way I knew if a kid was smarter than average or dumber. All I did was some relative grading and made sure whatever I tried to explain wasn’t...gobbledygook!

Second Place: Last Monday some of you might have partied, drank Bacardi and not given a fu*k. That works perfectly because it was a day commemorating a logistically significant event of my life...its beginning. And the coolest of all cool things that was given to me (in a large-scale effort to improve my personality) was this. A song by my good friend Zubin! The only reason this little bit of info is here is because I wanted everyone to appreciate the large quantities of talent in this guy and of course a little ‘Thanks Zubin’ from my side! :)

Here are the annotated lyrics:

He was a horny kid
But a journalist (Re: Sam Etaro)
He tried to get laid
A story we all know

He went up the hill
With a Bihari Jill (Re: A story that I'd rather not disclose :))
But he came back down
With a sad look in his face

But jokes apart
He’s a good man at heart
And that’s why I sing
On FFF's behalf

Happy bday Ro
Happy bday Ro
Memories of 265 (Re: My room no. in my hostel)
Will never go

Happy birthday Ro
Happy birthday Ro
Memories of 265
Will never go

The circle of friends (Re: My super stud theory about why I failed to...)
The extended btp (...finish my BTP on time!)
The edp
We never did do

Happy birthday Ro
Happy birthday Ro
Memories of 265
Will never go

Ok...enuff senti...PAIN, BLOOD, CARNAGE, KILL, SEEK and DESTROY!!!!
Haaa...I feel all manly now. :P

Third place : And finally, to wrap things up let me just say that after years and years of using other people’s guitars I finally went ahead and got myself one...a beautiful acoustic epiphone. I wish I was good enough to bless you all with the sweet sound of music that is my guitar playing. But we all wish for a lot of things and everything doesn’t come true! So for the time being this pic shud do the trick!

That’s all for now! I hope this fix should keep you going for a while!
Gobbledygook everybody!

Thought Collage/Part 3 (Homegoing edition...with special bonus feature)

Now as most of you who are nice (and jobless) enough to read this blog regularly would remember I have had 2 parts of “Random Thoughts” before. It is my honourable intention to make this part 3. However before I move on, the honour code of blog-ninjas that I strictly live my life by has required me to change the title of these posts to “Thought Collage”. Cuz you see when I hit upon the idea of making a post comprising of many different ideas, none of which had enough juice in them to be squeezed into a decent post, amongst many things I was quite pleased with myself. And after many many brain things in my head I decided to name it “Random Thoughts”. The blog-ninja in me was quite pleased and took a honourable bow. But then something happened that was about to compromise my ninja honour. Being extremely nice and even more extremely jobless (not to mention the honour code) I myself wander around the net reading many many blogs. And during the course of my journey I found that there were many others who not only jotted down random thoughts like I did but also chose to call them by the same name as mine. Some even went as far as naming their blogs that. This disturbed me deeply. Why...one might ask. As an answer I quote one of the many honour codes that we blog ninjas live by...

It is imperative for a blog-ninja to protect his creativity at all times and in case he finds himself in a situation where his creativity is comprised due to...,...,external replication,...or all of the above the blog-ninja must immediately do his utmost to restore his lost honour.

Of course, I was deeply disturbed. Fortunately the training I’ve had has prepared me to face such situations with courage. And in order to restore my lost honour I renamed my “Random Thoughts” as “Thought Collage”. I know, it isn’t exactly super-ohmygodRo-you are a fucking genius-creative...but still my lost honour I hope to reinstate.

And so here we go...

1. There is absolutely nothing worse than traveling 36-40 hrs from one side of the earth to the other in cramped up seats in airplanes spending 3-4 hours in layovers wandering about like an idiot in other airports only to find your baggage delayed/missing at the end of it all. I hate long-distance plane journeys...in fact even short distance plane journeys suck! The seats suck! The fucking pretzels suck! Everything sucks!
This can even be made into some kind of torture. You need to extract some information from some hard-ass secret agent, put him on a plane in economy class going from the US to India with at least 4 layovers with neither a window nor an aisle seat on any leg of the journey. Very soon he’ll be begging you to put him out of his misery. I can’t wait for teleportation to become a common thing!

2. Sri Lankan airlines airhostesses are hot! This was the only mitigating factor during my torture sessions traveling to and from home. I have a rudimentary theory that all the hot women from Tamil Nadu must have thought “Aaah...fuck this...we are too hot for this place...lets swim across to Sri Lankan and join their airlines”. And before you even think about mentioning the fact that they are hot as a requirement for being an airhostess, trust me that is so not the case anywhere!
I must add that my good luck could purely have been the result of some good deed I must have done in some previous birth and there is a possibility that you might be disappointed if you go solely upon my words! That said and done, let me reiterate “Sri Lankan airlines airhostesses are hot!”

3. Golu is getting married next summer...i.e in 2007.

4. Driving in the US makes you a sissy! Everyone is organized and no one tries to throw themselves in the path of your vehicle and later pick a fight with you. My dad had come to pick me up from the airport and while driving back home it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that I was freaking out like hell! There were many times when I just wanted to make him stop the car and lecture him about how to drive safer. Its going to be quite an interesting challenge to get used to traffic in India again!!!

5. I loved suffering from jetlag. You see...a normal person, when he suffers from jetlag ends up sleeping most of the day and lays awake at nights cuz his normal working times have been reversed. But I on the other hand am used to working late at nights and sleeping in the day anyway. So when I went home I was going to bed at 10pm and waking up at 6 am like a good boy. (On a somewhat related note, I never understood why would something like this make someone wealthy...I think it was just a cheap trick by the moral makers to lure young minds by tempting them with money.) Anyway now that I’m back it was the same story even here. Early to work at 8 am and go back home in the evenings...just like everyone other sane person. Unfortunately, just like ‘Buffy the vampire slayer’, my athletic build in my youth and the other good things in life even this wont last long and I can already feel my old habits slowly crawling back into my system.

6. Movie/Music update: If you still haven’t listened to “Right here right now” from ‘Bluffmaster’ you are working waaay too hard. This song has one of the catchiest beats I’ve listened to in quite sometime. Catch it!
“Munich” is ok. The movie serves the purpose of inspiring people to research everything about the 1972 massacre and the history behind it...but that’s about it. Maybe that was the only point of the movie. Plus it’s got some very weird sex scenes in it. And weird in a “mess-with-your-mind” way and not “look-at-this-baseball-bat-I-bet-you-cant-...” way.
Watch it to form an opinion.

7. In case you thought I am kidding about Golu getting married in the summer of 2007...Im not!

8. And now for the final bonus feature...here’s a pic that golu used to convince the half-gult/half-tam girl to be wedded to him.
These were his own words when the pic was taken, “Ro...check out this cool pic. Look at my cool cap and the cool goatee. And that incredibly sexy yet innocent look that I have. Top that with the fact that I am an IIT graduate doing his PhD in America and standing against the Manhattan skyline...I mean, who can resist me?”.
Well, it sure worked dear Dheeraj. I couldn’t be happier for you. :)
And I’m telling you guys...I’m not kidding! 2007 it is.

Woks...that’s it for now.
Blog-ninja code dictates I get back to work to protect my honour with my advisor. And so I am gone!

Random Thoughts: Part Deux

One morning this guy got up with a fantastic idea for a brilliant story. However he was too lazy to put in the effort to make it a wholesome one. So he just left it hanging in his head. The second morning he woke up once again with another idea...which he again tucked away into a corner of his mind. This happened a few times. Until he realized he could compile all of these brilliant ideas into a collection of short stories, get them published and make it big. And that’s exactly what he did. We all know him now as Roald Dahl. He has been an inspiration to me ever since. He has taught me that there is a beauty in the works produced by lethargy. He has shown me the door…the door to blog about random unrelated events and trick others into reading something that neither enriches nor entertains. He is the One and I am his follower.

Ok..all that about Roald Dahl was obviously a bunch of BS but you get the idea...so here goes:

Okati) I went for an American football game last saturday…my first. It was reasonably entertaining but I have a few cribs.
Firstly, why in bluddy hell is it called ‘foot’ball. For most of the game the players run around with the ball in their hand..so call it handball goddamitt. Not football. Football was taken a long time ago and is a much more entertaining, not to mention simpler game. If the Americans wanted to be different (like always) they could have at least called it American rugby. Or, as suggested in a 'Friends' episode it could be called ‘sissy rugby’. All I am saying is that this game should not and does not deserve to be called football.
Second, according to the rules of the game there is the quarterback who throws the ball around and there are the guys who try to catch it and run. These guys are pretty much the only ones who get to touch the ball. And what do the others do? Push each other around! Quite silly if you ask me. And this is only the offensive side. I learnt that a whole different team comes on for the defense and then all they do is push each other. Yeah sure it takes strength but I wonder after how long does a linebacker(I think) begin to get bored and wants to do something other than just fight with the opposite team like overgrown kids.
Third...is a crib concerning only Olemiss. Apparently over the last few years the football games here have transmogrified into a dating scene. What would you wear to a game? Comfortable shorts/pants, tees shoes...anything but what you would see here. All the girls go extremely heavy on the make-up, wear elegant formal gowns, put on dazzling jewellery and high heels. All the guys are just as formal. And the best part is that everyone adds the final masterpiece to their attire for the complete Olemiss football fan look...a large beer cup in one hand !!!! Silly to the point of being absurd. Id like to imagine what Eden gardens would look like, filled to the brim with men in suits and women in sarees/salwars watching India Vs Pakistan and cheering wildly! Quite an image eh? :D

So much for my cribs, Im surely going to another game in one of the coming weekends!

Rendu) I was stereotyped last week!
Not once...but twice!
Over my choice of beverages!
I would be outraged...but Im not senti like that! :P
(And its quite funny as you shall see)

Offlate I have been addicted to coffee...for no particular reason I feel an urge to go to the on-campus coffee/bookstore and spend $1.61 over a cup of coffee while relaxing and reading about why Jen and Pitt spilt, how Angelina Jolie is having some trouble regarding Zahara’s adoption and crappy stuff like that…which is the best thing about goofing off. But,like people say,I digress. So neway the other day I went to order my coffee and the girl at the counter takes one look at me and says “Tazo Hot Tea...red dragon (or something)”. I was confused and must have done a splendid job of showing it on my face. Looking at my puzzled expression she goes “You don’t want tea?”
WTF? Just because most of the brown people order tea (as she told me later) she assumed that I would order tea and on top of that was surprised that I was not going to. For the record I have never had tea there until now, although I plan to try it sometime only but when this particular stereotypist isn’t working! :P

A few days passed, during which all I did order was only coffee without any incident. Then I turned up one hot afternoon to drink some ice-cold frappe! As luck would have it she decided to play her guessing game that day and this time she DID NOT EVEN ask me what I wanted. She took out a coffee cup and filled it with coffee and placed it in front of me and said $1.61. WTdoubleF? I thought she was filling it up for someone else. I mentioned the insignificant fact that I did not want coffee that day and that’s the reason I had not ordered it. To which she says, “But you always have tall coffee”. (Note the way she even mentioned ‘tall’, not ‘venti’, not ‘grande’...’tall’.) Thanks moron but sometimes I like to try other things. Yet I didn’t want to create a scene and quite frankly (like I mentioned before) I am addicted now. So I took my ‘tall coffee’ and left feeling rather weird.

I still go there almost every day and I still order ‘tall coffee’. But whenever I go I stare at her in a very strange way which says “If you try to guess my order once more before I make it...Im going to take your suggestion and order it, not to drink it but only to empty it on ur head...Biyatch”. Seems to be working, she has not played her guessing game ever since. B-)


Moodu) This is my mandatory music/movie blah-blah-blah that I have to put in!
First, the movies...Ive been going to these free international movie screenings. Movies from China, Russia, Spain etc. Too many thoughts about too many movies, so Im going to avoid putting them down. All I wish to say is that a lot of these movies have been very good ('House of Fools')...but at the same time a few have been very very disturbing ('Bad Education')! Overall a good experience.
Coming to music...I had mentioned Smashing Pumpkins before here. After that I went on to purchase ‘Rotten Apples’, their greatest hits compilation. I discovered the Pumpkins to be hardcore rockers (they aren’t around anymore). They even had two hot chics for a bassist (D’Arcy, followed by Auf De Maur (Hole)). Their drummer, Jimmy Chamberlin is another drumming gawd. Their lead guitarist, James Iha inspite of having very different sound/style of playing the guitar as compared to Billy Corgan’s manages to blend into the songs very nicely. Billy Corgan, the frontman absolutely rocks and one of my fav things abt SP is Billy’s use of two types of vocals. All in all an awesome band! Worth every single second/paisa spent on them. Rotten Apples is the best thing to pick up if u haven’t heard the Pumpkins yet.

Thus ends a long useless post!
The Concluding act of an entire day wasted away goofing!
Bringing with it a feeling of guilt too overwhelming for words!
Only escape being the act of going home and sleeping it over!
I shall do that now!
Adios!

BTW, Roald Dahl is an awesome author...the only book of his I’ve read is his collection of short stories and it kicks come serious chilling ass!

Random Thoughts...

...I love putting down random thoughts. No pressure to maintain coherence, no need to write enough to make it seem interesting and most importantly no need to put in that mammoth effort to bring yourself out of a state of lethargy and force yourself to make an entry. They just flow, so here we go...

1) What we really need in todays world are earplugs that let you listen to music while you are swimming. Its not fair that you can only distract yourself while running and not when you are underwater. I have done my fair share of swimming and it gets awfully boring after a while. And the music that plays at the pool can be heard only when you stop in between laps with your head outside the water! So, I came up with a weird way to keep myself distracted while doing laps. If I know the song that is being played then I note the moment of the song before I start my lap
(at which point Im cut off from the music) and keep playing it in my head and see how close I am to where the song actually is when I bring my head out after I finish the lap! Though its fun I still think man should invent water-proof ipods or something! Get to work you lazy ass mongrels!

2) Yahoo is a bitch! It is forcing me to buy LaunchCast-Plus. I think I just might cave in! Well, this is what is compelling me. If you are an avid listener of launch you should be knowing that they allow 600 songs per month after which they take away your skipping rights! Not that it bothered me much, I beat that by shifting stations to get to new songs. I never really cared about the commercials either, if they were too long and annoying I used to remove my earplugs and wait for them to finish. But now yahoo has gone ahead and done something absolutely horrific. If you now exceed 600 songs they dont let you listen to any station except your own customized one! That just breaks my balls. I love my station and all but Id much rather listen to songs on Classic Rock or RHCP Fan station or Love songs (just kidding ;) This is such a corporate bitch thing to do...mofos! I wonder what happens to those listeners who have broken the 600 barrier but dont have a customized station of their own. I think Ill just go ahead and pay "less than 3$ a month to get unlimited song-skipping and commercial free radio"...and also double-latte with whipped cream :)

3) I have always heard about Smashing Pumpkins being a great band. Now Ive listened to one of their songs and absolutely love it. Its called "Bullet with butterfly wings" and it rocks! Will be on the look-out for more Pumpkins!
Also hooked on to this Rolling Stones song called "Sympathy for the devil". Damn good vocals by Mick Jagger.
And lastly and also the leastly...Jessica Simpson has a new song called "These boots were made for walking"...a cover of a Nancy Sinatra original ( remember the song "Bang Bang" from KillBill...thats a Nancy Sinatra song) Its quite catchy.
You can check out all the above songs on yahoo videos

4)I somehow cant get over my OCD to keep spreading links to funny videos! Help me nuture my disorder
http://www.wimp.com/impressions/

5) Ill be off to DC this monday for my first international conference. Have to admit my work isnt of very high standard but still I guess I have to begin somewhere. Am equally excited about my vacation after my conference. But for now I am yet to finish my presentation that Ill be showing to all the big shots in my field. Thus common sense dictates I stop this randomness and I work on presentation. And before I go check this out...(Im on a family guy roll :)

Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.