Monday, December 29, 2008

An Open Letter

Unlike most open letters that I have read on the web I am writing this one with a genuine desire to reach out to as many people as possible. The purpose is more to educate than just vent and I am hoping that people actually embrace the idea. Let me get straight to the point.

America, STOP STINKING UP MOVIE THEATERS WITH THE DISGUSTING AND OVERWHELMING SMELL OF POPCORN. A cinema is not a restaurant. Have a meal before or after the movie. Heck, have a meal before AND after. Can't you go just 2 hours without stuffing your face with food? It is bad enough that most of you pollute the air inside the theater with the nauseating smell of overpriced butter, but oh my god, the LOUD CHEWING AND THE SLURPING. Who does that? Did your mother teach you that it is not okay to make noises while eating or drinking except in a goddamn theater? Do you all need a special message at the beginning of the movie that asks you to switch off your cellphones and your animal instincts?

There are some who might say I am overreacting. If you agree, then you are one of those people who is pissing me off and YOU ARE A MORON. Do you always have to buy a tub of popcorn and a large diet coke everytime you see a movie? Stop behaving like a conditioned drone and know that just because it is dark and no one can see you doesn't mean you can check your manners at the door and behave like a 2 year old. Everyone doing it does not make it ok. You all disgust me and make me want to avoid going to movies altogether!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Chinese take out place next to my house is better than the one next to yours

I will tell you why.
A classy 2009 calendar filled with bikini clad Asians!
I mean, is there really a better way to show appreciation for being a regular customer?

This place is awesome.
First, I get large tasty portions of pepper beef with steamed rice for only $6.25. And now I can hang pictures of almost naked women all over my room and look at them whenever I need to know the date or feel like eating Chinese. Talk about one stop shop for all your hungers! Plus, who can put a price on all the knowledge I get from the fortune cookies? Confucius says “The answer is a deep fried NO my friend”!
Can you feel the holiday spirit sautéed in schezwan sauce and served with an egg roll of mild arousal?

The lady who gave me this first grinned widely almost winking as if to say, “I know what you are really going to use this for” and then immediately sheepishly asked me “Oh…you are not married right?” I think you got the order of those reactions wrong ma’m! Nevertheless, I am thinking of taping this right onto my ceiling so that it is the first thing that I look at when I open my eyes in the morning. Anything else would kill the Christmas spirit!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

An imagined conversation

Jim: Dan, I know that your book ‘Angels and Demons’ wasn’t as big a hit as you had hoped for but I think you should keep working on the idea.
Dan Brown: Are you crazy? I am going to try something different now. 'Angels and Demons' is a lost cause.
Jim: No No Dan. Hear me out. I think you should revisit the entire premise once again and give it another shot! Just change the mystery that drives the plot but keep the general plotline and the basic idea of the characters the same. I have a gut feeling about this!
Dan Brown: Are you fucking drunk Jim? That doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. Wouldn’t people find it weird that almost similar things happen to the protagonist twice in his life? Who is going to buy that?
Jim: That doesn’t matter Dan. If the new book becomes a huge hit nobody will care about such things. You have to trust me.
Dan Brown: Hmmm…let me think about it. If I do this, I have to make sure it contains more controversial elements than the first.
Jim: Yes of course. I think hitting up Christianity once again is a good idea.
Dan Brown: Jim…you are insane. I can’t write about Christianity once again.
Jim: Yes you can. Just make it even more controversial. Here’s the thing. Simply forget that you ever wrote 'Angels and Demons'. Try to write something that is a new and improved 'Angels and Demons' without worrying about repetition or things like that! The only thing is you have to make it more controversial. That way it will get a lot of attention and boom…jackpot!
Dan Brown: Hmmmm…seems like a crazy idea that just might work. Let me think about it more seriously! If it doesn’t work, you owe me a beer though!
Jim: You’ve got yourself a deal Dan!


Aside: I think one commendable thing about Dan Brown is that it is relatively easier to create your own world and plant clues in it to create a mystery. Dan Brown however works with real world artifacts and makes them part of a treasure hunt which at least on the face value of it seems like quite an impressive task.

EDIT (Dec 24th 2008): Since I am pseudo-intellectually bashing authors here, let me say this: MALCOLM GLADWELL...stop researching things that are explained by common sense and write something new. Your books are the equivalent of headlines that go "Scientists show people who drink too much make a lot of stupid mistakes". It is freaking obvious, everybody knows that and nobody wants to know why. Stop turning one page essays into books jackass!

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Why don't we bomb the terrorist camps in Pakistan?

Ajmal Amir Qasab, the solitary terrorist captured in the Mumbai terrorist attack has revealed the locations of where he was trained to carry out the attack (Source: NDTV website). It is not a stretch of imagination to assume that a lot of others are being trained there too. So why aren't we demanding Pakistan raid those places? Personally I think Pakistan is an out and out terrorist state and will not agree to such an operation under any circumstances. The fact that this is due to an ineffectual government doesn't change a thing. Pakistan claimed that the terrorists were stateless. This should give it complete moral authority to raid these terrorist training camps as it would not constitute as an attack on its own citizens. But it will not and this is because the terrorists are Pakistanis and the Pakistan government knows this. It would much rather play a game of cat and mouse with the Indian government while Indians die rather than take any affirmative step that attempts to eradicate the sources of these problems.

What options does this leave us with?

Negotiating and trying to acheive results diplomatically has never worked with Islamic terrorism. When people are brainwashed from a young age they do not see any reason in anything other than what they have been told is right. As far as I know, wars that have been fuelled by religious ferver have never been quelled diplomatically. India-Pakistan diplomacy has never been effective in quelling terrorism and once again we are resorting to this to solve our problems.

What about an out and out military action like invading Pakistan? I don't think this will do any good either due to many obvious factors. As a friend of mine (Duh) rightly pointed out, the disparity in military might between India and Pakistan is not enough for us to achieve a speedy result. Furthermore, the fact that both countries have nuclear weapons will make the rest of the world shit in its collective pants and we can expect a lot of effective pressure to prevent a war (sanctions etc?). Furthermore, this will make it extremely easy for the extremists to recruit more terrorists.

I think selective bombing of the terrorist camps is a middle ground that we absolutely have to resort to. There is a reason we are seen as a soft target. It is because we never resort to military action proactively. This is definitely good upto a certain extent. We have been turning the other cheek long enough now. I think it is time to show the world and Pakistan that we have the resolve to kill if need be. I agree that there will be civilian casualities which will once again make it easier for extremists to recruit terrorists. However, this is the collateral damage that we have to accept in order to send a message. One is a fool to think there can be military action without civilian casualities, especially if these terrorists turn out to be like the Palestian extremists who hide in civilian populated areas knowing that when Israel bombs them there will be an international humanitarian outcry against it. Our plane is hijacked and we do nothing, our parliament is attacked and we do nothing, our institue of higher learning is attacked and we do nothing, our economic centre is attacked and we do nothing. What lines do these people have to cross after which we think pre-emptive strikes are warranted? To those who think this is still too extreme, I want them to tell me the number of innocent Indians that have to die after which such an action is okay.

Everyone is blaming the Indian politicians. I agree that they are very much responsible for being an incompetent bunch letting the country go to the dogs just to satisfy their selfish needs. But shouldn't this anger come after the anger towards Pakistan? Shouldn't we be trying to come up with ways to get to the root of the problem? Do people really think setting up a new terrorism task force or getting some politicans to resign will change things at a fundamental level? Imagine you are walking on a street and some guy shoves you down so hard that your arm breaks. What we are doing is ignoring this lunatic completely and going back to our negligent mother and blaming her for not feeding us enough calcium as a child.

I think I know why we do this.
We are scared to offend our muslim brethren.
People say that "terrorism knows no religion". What is this supposed to mean? That we should ignore the religious aspect of the attacks? Sorry but if 15 guys come from a muslim majority country into a Hindu majority country that has had strained relations with it rooted in partition (that was once again on religious lines) and specifically target a jewish settlement amongst others, while letting a Turkish couple go free because they are muslim, it has every fucking thing to do with religion.

If I was a muslim I would be insulted by those who say that this has nothing to do with religion. It has everything to do with religion, especially the wrong and maligned way Islam is used to brain wash the extremists. I would want to know that people understand this. By not talking about this at all, it makes me suspect that you secretly think I am somehow responsible for the actions of these terrorists. I would be offended because you assume that I put my religion before my country and so you dont want to offend me by bringing up religion. Sure India has its own communal problems, but is this really the time to be politically correct? In fact, is there any good time to be politically correct? I am confident that when the Imams of India refused to bury the terrorists, there was atleast one person whose wrong convictions about how all muslims in India are against India were atleast shaken a bit. I feel like this is the most effective path. We need to walk down this path to get to the root of this problem.

Now comes the question of personal responsibilty. Would I be willing to put my money where my mouth is? Which is to say, if India does end up bombing strategic parts of Pakistan and these events lead to a war, would I be willing to give up my cozy life in the US and go back to India to enlist and fight for my country? I honestly dont know. Anyone reading this can blame me for being a hypocrite and I accept the label. What I will stick by though is that this action is what I think is best for my country in the long run. Me being a hypocrite doesn't change the validity of my argument. To those who are ready to dismiss this option just based on my hypocrisy, I ask them what would their response be if a high ranking general of our army had put forward this?

We are being attacked and innocents are dying so often that it literally has become just another day in our lives. I really hope atleast this changes things and we will adopt a more effective approach to solve this problem rather than resort to impotent diplomacy!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

The last post that has to do with Under the Bridge

This past thanksgiving weekend I hung out with Golu and played a little music.

We plugged in our guitars and switched on our amps with the intention of coming up with an awesome original composition. After a little playing we lowered our goal to just covering an awesome jam. A few more iterations of goal-lowering happened after that. Running out of time (as I had to leave soon) did not help. Plus there were no drugs involved as our regular dealer was spending the thanksgiving with his family. Ultimately (and unfortunately) we ended up with this.

I am putting this up anyway as a "BEFORE" video. The "AFTER" video will come soon. Stay tuned.



I also learnt the importance of good lighting.

EDIT (Feb 4th 2009): Lazy Golu finally uploaded a couple of videos that we had recorded on the same day as the above one (Nov 28th 2008). Both videos were taken with Golu's camera which kicks my camera's ass. The first video is a recording of a soundcheck that went really bad or really good depending on which one of us you ask ;) and the second is a recording of the first take of 'Under the Bridge' which we decided to not use. In retrospect, this version is slightly better than the one I had put up! Enjoy.

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SOUND CHECK



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ABANDONED TAKE THAT WE THREW AWAY DOWNTOWN